OK, I admit it. There should be a support group for folks like us. People that are just easily annoyed. We’re talking rapid heart beat, cold sweat, tension and difficulty breathing. But you know what, it’s not me, it’s you.
This is why I am pissed…
1) Don’t use your cellphone at all times. Do not, I repeat, do NOT keep loud and lengthy convos on a bus or a train. I don’t want to hear it, I want you to shut the hell up.
2) Don’t stop when you get off the escalator. How effing hard is it to keep moving? You are not the only one there, we are a dozen behind you.
3) Don’t assume that I ever sit in a bar just waiting for you to come talk to me. I am probably in line waiting to get a drink or waiting for my hubby or friends. Unless I know you, don’t flatter yourself. I am not that nice.
4) Don’t use three exclamation marks when posting your status on FB or Twitter. It is annoying!!! You are screaming!!! We don’t care!!!
5) SAME GOES FOR ALL CAPS!!!
6) Don’t tweak, burp, snore, make weird noises or breathe heavily in my presence. In fact, don’t move at all. Just pretend to be a mummy.
7) Don’t abuse my tax money by being too lazy for a job. We all have hard times, but the world goes a-spinning nonetheless. Get out and do something. And by all means, don’t brag about your non-accomplishment.
8) Don’t slap my ass. I wear stilettos and I have a mean kick.
9) If you are obese, don’t walk next to your obese friend on the sidewalk. You are blocking my route.
10) Don’t preach to me about Jesus or Allah or anything religious. You are probably a hypocrite.
11) Don’t ask me for money. I will spit in your cup.
12) Actually most Facebook-statuses annoy me… They’re the incarnations of people’s stupidity. Really? You ate THAT for dinner? Oh, golly. Also, dumb elaborations about random cases in long sentences that end with demands you copy and paste it into YOUR status. Fuck that. I don’t even like my own status updates.
13) People that go through IV-treatments. Talk about egotism. How about adopting instead? This planet is way too overcrowded.’
14) Small talk about the weather. Yawwwwwn.
15) People that crowd my space. You know, the ones that lean into you in lines or breathe heavily down your neck. Ew.
17) Beards, dreads and stashes. And BO! Ew.
18) People who post hunting pics of themselves on facebook. Ya know, the kind where the proud “hunter” poses with a dead animal. Whoa, what an accomplishment. You have a gun, the animal doesn’t. Get a grip on yourself and do something useful instead of acting and looking like a teabagged moron.
19) Americans who think the world evolves around the US. World series? Baseball? Hey, reality check. The US is NOT the entire world. And freedom? You have none. Do something controversial, you get sued. Gays can’t marry, and abortion is tabu. You’re being brainwashed with jingoism and if you ever questions anything about your manifest destiny, you’re labelled an “Anti-American.” You’re being numbed to not think. China owns you and if you get sick, you’re screwed. Your liberty is stripped before your eyes.
20) Dumb people. I try to ignore them, but I can’t.
21) Complainers. Myself included.
22) Dumb Americans that feed their kids fast food and soda and donuts so they become obese, and then they have to be on Dr. Phil to be convinced that fast food does not a healthy child make. (Insert profanity here)
23) This digsusting habit.
24) If you can’t laugh at yourself or appreciate irony, don’t bother reading my blog.
Rant over 🙂